Thursday, May 24, 2007

ooops

By the way I will be celebrating my 40th birthday on Friday, May 25th. So Happy Birthday to me...

Much better

Thanks to my NAMI family and my medicaton I am feeling much better. It is a daily struggle but recovery is possible. I just did another IOOV presentation with Jenny Hiler and it went well. IOOV is very helpful for me it allows me to share my daily experieces with other persons who maybe struggle as I am. Just to get out and be among people is very helpful. I get lonely and pray and hope that one day I won't always be alone. I know that life has it's ups and downs but right now I am up and that is all that matters. Thanks for your thoughts, prayers and concerns. Take care, Jenn

Friday, May 11, 2007

sorry been gone

Life for me has been very difficult lately. I haven't wanted to bother anyone so I keep a lot bottled up inside. I have moved into a house. WOW. That is big for me. I know I can afford it financially but I did something really stupid and it will make me have to struggle next month. I hope I can be ok.
Then my meds don't seem to be working all that well. Well I guess they would work better if I remembered to take them when I am supposed to. Since Jan. my therapist has been off on medical leave and in April they fired my psychiatrist. I have been with them since 1996. I feel like they have been my saving grace many of days. Now I feel lost and alone. I know I have my NAMI family but they have so much stuff going on in their lives as well. The VA doesn't have a plan for real for a new psychiatrist or getting us reassigned but then do I have to start all over again with someone new getting to know me inside and out. Know when I am being honest about my meds or I really need some help. Something made me come here tonight and boy this is helping. Attending the consumer conference was wonderful but I just didn't feel like being there. I fell recently as well causing me to scrape my leg pretty bad and that has been bothersome as well. I don't know what to do anymore. I feel so lost and out of control. My diagnosis is major depression but I wonder if I have a touch of mania as well. You see this is where my mistake recently came into play. I really feel like I am spiralling out of control. I refuse to go back to the VA psychiatric hospital and I refuse to put my child through hell because of my desire for the pain to stop. She deserves so much more then that. She is graduating from high school soon and I am so proud of her. I want to see that day so I have to get better some hoe. I called the VA to see what I needed to do to get my meds increased but they could only say they would send a note to a doctor who doesn't know me from Adam, and see if they will increase it. Well now I have to wait at least the weekend because didn't get an answer today (Friday).
Please keep me in your prayers and pray that this too shall pass...Jenn